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Some sexist beliefs, myths and traditions that need to be abandoned right away!

1.Girls have drama

Everyone has heard about this silly stereotype: Girls are dramatic. It’s as old as friendship itself. Growing up I used to hear my fellow girl friends say that they would rather have boys as friends, as they are less gossipy and have less drama as well. With time, I began to believe this lie, at least until I was friends with  a few boys here and there. The same gossips and conflicts that go on between female friendships are experienced in the boys’ circles as well. The common stereotype is that boys are more laid back than girls. We should stop associating this negative characteristic “dramatic” with girls. It’s a character common to both genders.

2.Men are primarily sexual beings and women are not

Men are more sexual than women. It’s just biological. Never mind that some men have very low sex drives, and never mind that some women and very high sex drives. This gender myth has very little basis in reality –but it is a cultural value. Particularly in the church, it is common to emphasize modesty and chastity in women –often for the sake of the oh-so- uncontrollable male sex drive. Church tends to teach young  women on shielding their bodies from their spiritual brothers’ wondering, lustful eyes. I’m calling this one. While men and women do have biological and chemical differences, a given man is not necessarily more sexual than a given woman. And it doesn’t help women when the society pretends that men are the only sexual beings. When purity/modesty culture is the name of the game, women take on responsibility for the sins of those around them-imagining that they are culpable for others’ wayward hearts. And on the flip side, men grow to view themselves as untrustworthy, uncontrollable, and primarily sexual. Let’s do men and women a favor and start talking about female sexuality in the modern society.

3.Payment of bride price

I know many will say “but it’s only a token of appreciation”.. If was, then it would be a two way thing ;bride and groom price. I listed this here because of a number of negative implications that come with it, experienced by both genders. First, some communities use this as a method of extorting the groom.  Second, obviously  the need to pay for the bride price, turns women into goods. We only pay for goods or services. In a society where women are striving to eliminate objectification, this practice right here is an obstacle to our progress.  This practice is also one of the reasons why there is still so much violence against women in marriages, especially in Africa. A study conducted by the Un recently in 37 African countries revealed that around 50-60% of African men consider  beating their wives a necessary aspect of marriage, while a similar percentage of women think themselves  deserving  of a beating. With practices like bride price,it is the woman received in exchange who pays the ultimate price for this innocent-seeming gifts.

4.Giving up your last name after getting married.

I still fail to understand this tradition right here, or why it still happens. Your name is your identity. The expectation that women should change their last name for marriage, swapping their own identity for their husband’s, is unarguably sexist. And I say unarguably because no one could claim there is an expectation of the same name change in men. I know it’s part of our tradition for the woman to change her name when she gets married, but like I always say, just because its tradition, it doesn’t men its good or right.

So what do you guys think. Should we keep or  give up the above practices? Let me know in the comments section

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STOP STREET HARASSMENT

So we are walking on some busy pavement when some guy who is seemingly drunk starts harassing us subtly because we didn’t return his advances. The man even changes the direction he was walking towards and starts talking stridently and hurling insults towards us. Other passersby notice but they keep walking like it’s nothing.  The drunk finally tires and walks away. We were just walking minding our business, why wouldn’t he do the same?

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Street harassment

Second instance: I and my cousins have just bought a mattress and we are at the stage waiting for a Matatu to board, when a guy starts saying that we should invite him to come warm the mattress because a lady is purportedly not supposed to sleep on a new mattress alone. At this point I am clearly really irritated and tell him off. His ego is wounded and he starts threatening that I don’t know what he is capable of when angry. All this time his peers at the stage listen and say nothing.

These two true instances are just a drop in the ocean when it comes to what we as ladies go through every day. When a woman complains of being cat called or harassed the first thing people  ask about is what she was wearing. Why should a lady’s choice on dressing be blamed for a man’s inappropriate behavior?

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Statistics show that 65% of all women have experienced street harassment. This is according to a survey done in the U.S.A, which I suspect the number could even be higher in Africa.

How many times have we seen women being stripped of their clothing in the name of dressing immodestly? How backwards is that? This disrespectful act shows that some men still view women as public property to be handled how one wishes. It’s 2017! How can one still be holding on to that kind of mentality. You have a mother, sister, aunts etc. If you can’t stand them being cat called or harassed why do it to someone’s daughter/sister/mother/wife?

An encounter with a street harasser anywhere is creepy, upsetting, scary and very annoying. It’s not a debatable topic: Women don’t appreciate unsolicited advances or what’s baptized by some as “compliments”.

I blame this kind of behavior on our culture that promotes a macho behavior. This is basically a display of dominance. It’s also a form of sexism in our society, where men basically feel like they can say anything to the women at any time, and that women should just take it.

Street harassment is not trivial or something that women are asking for. Everyone has a right to feel comfortable and safe in public spaces.

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School and Motherhood

If what President Magufuli is saying comes to pass, lives will be ruined. A vicious cycle will be started and there will be no end to it. This kids who are being forced to drop out of school will have ruined lives, the chances of their daughters repeating the same will be very high. Let teenage mums be given a chance to learn and succeed.
By gatundugirl.wordpress.com

Gatundu Girl

A few days ago, Tanzanian President John Pombe Magufuli made a statement that raised controversy. He said that if girls or Primary and Secondary school level get pregnant, that should be the end of school for them. They should go to vocational training institutes and learn trades such as sewing instead of going back to school after delivery. According to President J P Magufuli, their presence in schools will encourage other girls to engage in sex.

There are so many sides to the coin of a pregnant school girl. Let’s start with the basic, it takes two to tango. That’s right, a baby is not made by one person. Am going to assume that since human reproduction is a compulsory topic, you all know the basics so I won’t delve into details. So, why should the consequences of an act that is perfomed by two be on the shoulders of…

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IS MARRIAGE ABOUT TOLERANCE?

This issue caught my eye as I was scrolling through my Facebook feed. Some lady had asked for advice from married women in a certain Kenyan fb group, since her marriage was falling apart at six months only. What left me puzzled was the advice, as most said to tolerate because marriage was about that. lets sample some of the replies

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I have never been married, but if the advice you will give me is tolerance, watching movies and reading books which are biased (favor men) when it comes to advice and being submissive, then don’t. What everyone should understand is that time changes, and so do norms, culture, traditions etc. Change is inevitable.

I believe a marriage should be about partnership, conflict resolution, monogamy, love, laughter, communication,  and happiness.

Sure, there will be misunderstandings here and there, but it shouldn’t be all about that. The term tolerance insinuates that its just downs on downs, no ups.And honestly the gender which carries this huge role of tolerance is women.

The analogue system of marriage is not working anymore. So we better create a new reality of the institution before it becomes extinct all together.

So, back to the facebook post. Not all the comments irked me as some ladies gave  some pretty good advice. Read them below

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So what do you think? Should we stick to the traditional methods or adopt new ones when it comes to this institution? let me know in the comments section

 

15 of the best life quotes and secrets

There’s no life manual that we can follow when we are alive. But there are life tips and secrets which help us overcome everyday hurdles. I have put together my favorite quotes from different sources to inspire anyone in need of it. Lets face it, we all need a little motivation now and then.You can also read some of the best truths and inspiration i have come across

  1. Only pack what you can carry yourself.
  2. Remember you will always regret what you didn’t do rather than what you did.
  3. If the grass is greener on the other side, there’s probably more manure there.
  4. Wait 24 hours before getting mad and reacting about anything. If it doesn’t bother you in 24 hours’ time, it probably isn’t important enough to get mad over.
  5. Happiness is a choice and everything else is a matter of perspective.
  6. Figure out what you love to do, and then figure out how to get someone to pay you to do it.
  7. Live in the moment. Even 10 minutes ago is the past.
  8. This too, shall pass.
  9. Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life: define yourself.
  10. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
  11. Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you will be criticized anyway.
  12. It’s supposed to be hard. If it were easy, everyone would do it.
  13. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not act, but a habit.
  14. It doesn’t hurt to love. It hurts to love the wrong person.
  15. Everything you can imagine is real. –Pablo Picasso                  Related  some of the best truths and inspiration i have come across

     awesome quotes on life

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    STRENGTH

YOU ARE NOT GOING CRAZY: YOU ARE DATING A NARCISSIST!

Just Mwende

Who is a narcissist?

A person with a mental disorder  in which he/she  has an inflated sense of  their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

In a much simpler way, the narcissists are obsessed with themselves,think they are better and more important than anyone else and want to be treated special. Both women and men can have this personality disorder ,  but it is more common in men.

Narcissistic relationships are more common than many people are aware. There are phases,patterns and signs to these emotionally abusive(and sometimes physically abusive) relationships.images

so how do they start?

  • The narcissist is a very manipulative person, it doesn’t matter how smart and confident you are, we all can fall for him. He is very skilled to reveal any…

View original post 455 more words

YOU ARE NOT GOING CRAZY: YOU ARE DATING A NARCISSIST!

Who is a narcissist?

A person with a mental disorder  in which he/she  has an inflated sense of  their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

In a much simpler way, the narcissists are obsessed with themselves,think they are better and more important than anyone else and want to be treated special. Both women and men can have this personality disorder ,  but it is more common in men.

Narcissistic relationships are more common than many people are aware. There are phases,patterns and signs to these emotionally abusive(and sometimes physically abusive) relationships.images

so how do they start?

  • The narcissist is a very manipulative person, it doesn’t matter how smart and confident you are, we all can fall for him. He is very skilled to reveal any red flags when you meet him. He will make you believe you are his soul mate by giving you attention and charm you with compliments any chance he gets. This person will study you well and use your weak points  to his advantage. Spending exorbitant amounts of time with you and giving enchanting promises will make you feel alive ,adored,loved, and

    then..

  • The amount of time he spends with you will reduce. It will start with a few days without communication, then the next time it will be weeks. After disappearing for a good amount of time, he will return like nothing ever happened. If you ask about the act, he will behave as if you are crazy and over thinking things. You will try to get back to the kind of connection you two had when you met, but the harder you try more distance he becomes.The partner who once made you feel like royalty is now making you feel insecure and needy. He is now a stranger. He is taking your power to feed his elated ego

     so

  • Because of  how intense and quickly the relationship started and how within a nick of time the tables turn,you will feel very confused,angry and betrayed. You will constantly be asking yourself where you went wrong. It’s a very emotional phase because he is no longer the person you knew: very loving,attentive and consistent. This person projects all the relationship issues to you, making you believe that all that happened is your fault. You will be punished with  silence when you simply attempt to resolve the problems. Being ignored will feel so horrible that you will start apologizing for things you never did. This is one of the many games these people have mastered so as to manipulate you. He preys on this kind of attention, and is incapable of recognizing any personal fault. He will never show remorse or awareness for the imposed hurt.

    later

  • You will assume the downfall was your fault. You will obsess with fixing whats broken in order to feel better. The more your efforts are ignored the more you will become persistent. It’s a back and forth and never-ending cycle of apologizing  and nothing changing with the relationship that you start feeling crazy. Its energy depleting and soul consuming because you will give all you can, but for nothing

    Finally

  • The relationship has run its course. You can no longer fill the emptiness he feels so now he ends the relationship abruptly. It’s what they do,they use and discard with no show for remorse. He has now completed the full cycle of narcissism and has probably started another one with someone else.

 

disclaimer:use of he is for consistency purposes

 

 

 

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Gatundu Girl

Straight out of the village, writer, book nerd, Gladiator in pjs, expert babysitter, screen addict

Island Girl On A Mission

Spreading Love and Light One Blog Post at A Time!

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